I've eaten lunch at IKEA before, I like that little shrimp bread slice thing they have, I feel very swedish and svelte eating it. This past week I had the opportunity to have breakfast there while I was killing time waiting for my colleague to join so we could pick up some hipster accessories for the office.
I was there tray in hand browsing the menu when the very east coast velocity woman behind the counter kept saying "can I help you can I help you can I help you". There was only one person behind me, her badgering was more suited to the dinner line on Black Friday in New York City than a weekday at Stoughton Mass. The clear front runners were the Lingonberry (is this a made up fruit, like furniture people who use their salesman's last name because it's Italian and sounds upscale?) pancakes and the Big Breakfast. As pancakes make me hungry about an hour after eating them, I opted for the latter - the fully stocked plate of eggs, homefries, bacon and french toast sticks.
The eggs in the amusing scoop-shape were fine. The home fries had a fairly good taste to them, but felt like they were cooked in oil then let sit under a warming bulb which dried them out a little. I don't know how that's possible when the cafe was only open 20 minutes when I got there. The french toast sticks were decent, but had that same red heat lamp oil dipped issue.
The bacon. Up till then I've only had one bacon I didn't like - it was too game-y, like you had decided to eat the pig on the side of the road with the gritty tire tracks and all. One bite of IKEA bacon and I almost shook my head like a dog realizing they were being fed a heartworm pill on the sly. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but afterwards realized that the bacon was very thin, a little sweet, and somewhat rubbery and crispy all at once (not sure how this can happen), and realized it had the consistency of eating cooked skin (human or otherwise, haven't eaten people but felt like it would have tasted that way). Needless to say I didn't eat anymore, as people will tell you I have food consistency preferences (I can add "not skin-like" to that list).
IKEA, you get what you pay for, including in the cafeteria. No allen wrench and fun instructions, but the free coffee isn't a bad consolation prize.